Love is in the Air: Thanagarian Mating Season
by Cowgirl Jack
Summary: Co-written with Evil Lil' Katbird. Please read her stuff! More so if you want us to write some more! So, everyone's favorite Hawkgirl is feeling lonsome, and its up to the Justice Leage to help! Warning: The authors are not responsible for any loss of


**Love is in the Air**

J M Angelo and Evil Little Kitty-bird

**Disclaimer**-All characters belong to DC Comics.  Also, this is not perfectly in sync with my other Hawk-stories.  Just so you know.

                Thanagarian anatomy differed from human anatomy in several different ways.  Thanagarians have lighter bones.  They have more muscle.  Shayera would even argue that their brains are bigger, but she was alone on Earth in thinking that.  And, of course, those massive wings on her back.

                And anyone would tell you that Thanagarians _behave_ differently.  Hawkgirl would never call herself berserk, just enthusiastic.  But there was one _major_ difference in behavior that Shayera Hol _never_ told anyone of her friends in the Justice League.

                Like all birds, Thanagarians have a mating season.  Every year, for two weeks the female Thanagarians undergo a major chemical change that makes cats in heat look like nuns.  The entire city shuts down.  Banks are closed.  The mail doesn't run.  The garbage is not picked up.  The only sounds are children playing in the trees after being sent out of the house by their parents.

*              *                *

_Thanagar_

                "Look, no one can leave until all the paperwork is filed!"

                Katar swore that his superior officers were deliberately holding everyone up.  Of course, his superiors were all single.

                "Alright here's the witness info on the missing persons case…permission to depart, sir?"

                Shayera was so much smarter than him.  She knew when Pleasure Week began and had scheduled the two days before it off.  Katar had no clue what she was doing.  Only that she had spent half of his savings at the 'Bath and Body Boutique' and 'Chickadee's Secret'.

                Well… he had _some_ idea what she was doing…

                Katar's officer looked at the paper.  "I don't know… your handwriting is a little shaky at the bottom."

                Fel snapped.  "I can't take this anymore.  I can hear her calling… she needs me… here I come, baby!"  And he ran out of the building and flew off.

                "Well," said the officer.  "Um…you are all dismissed."

*              *                *

                Katar flew to his home as quickly as possible.  It was kind of hard though.  _Everyone in town was leaving at lunch to go home for Pleasure Week.  "Darn it, I thought working a half-day would help me _beat_ the crowd."  Inspired, Katar began beating the crowd until he bruised several people and could move freely again._

                "Must get home… must get home… did I remember to clock out?  Ah, screw it… yeah… screw it… ha, I am so funny."

                Katar finally reached his neighborhood.  His neighbor was trying to get in the house.  "Dang it, oh there you are Katar!  I left my keys in there… and the Missus is expecting me to have the chocolate covered mice ready.  Come on, break the door or something!"

                Katar adjusted his wings and used his weight to break the door down.  "Thanks, she won't care about the hinges…any other time of the year she'd complain about me tracking dirt it or leaving feathers on the floor.  Say, what did you get Shay?"

                It dawned on Katar—he had forgotten to get Shayera her Pleasure Week gift!  "Um… gotta go!"

*              *                *

                Every male on the planet had forgotten to buy his wife a gift.  Using his crowd-control method, Katar moved everyone aside and manage to buy something Shayera had been eying the last time she dragged him around shopping.  A gold cage full of live fancy sparrows.  With some whip cream.  "Alright… now home!"

                He was in a frenzy by the time he got home.  "Shay!  You home yet?"

                No sound.  "Darn woman is still shopping…" He stepped on one of her shoes.  "Wait a minute…" he followed a train up the stairs.  Second was the other boot.  Then the leggings.  Next was the little red underwear.  Katar picked up her little yellow top.  Oh yeah, Shay was feeling creative.

                "I'm up here.  Someone's raided the chicken coup.  Oh, you've been a naughty, naughty hawk, you."

                Katar stood at the door, his jaw open wide like he was choking on a rat.  "Caw… caw…"

                Shayera was wearing a massive white-feathered robe that probably had cost Katar an arm and a leg.  He didn't care.  Besides the earrings that Katar had given Shayera on her wedding day, it was the only thing she was wearing.  "Come here, you big boy, and give me some sugar.  Unless that peacock joke is true…"

                "Caw!  I'll disprove it right now!"  He pulled off the rest of his clothes and jumped on the bed.

                In her zest to please, Shayera had bought the most expensive silk sheets on the market.  She figured she would tell Katar _afterwards_ when there was no chance to exchange them.  Sadly, this did not prevent Mr. Hol from sliding on the sheets and shooting straight _through the window._

                CRASH!

                BUNK!

                BOOM!

                BANG!

                CRNCH!

                SNAP!

                THUD!

                "Ouch my… mace!"

Katar hit seven balconies and demolished one statuette on the way down.  All the neighbors opened their windows to see Katar in his hatching-day suit.

Shayera rolled her eyes.  "Katar!  You have _wings_, remember?"

*              *                *

Seven hours, twenty-three minutes, and fifteen seconds later Katar was pushing the sparrow in Shayera's mouth.  "Did that taste good, my little scrumptious magpie?"

"Yes peacock… that was a very sweet gift."

"Don't call me peacock… and hey where's my gift?"

Shay pointed at her cleavage.  "Right here."

"Candy?"

Shayera rolled her eyes.  "No, Katar, take a peek."

"Right… hey… you've a blade stuck in there!"  He pulled it out quickly and hit Shayera in the chin, but he was too excited to care.  "Retractable triple blade, custom handle, self cleaning… aw honey, you shouldn't have."

Shayera blushed.  "Well I do try."  She nudged Katar with her foot.  "Now come on.  We only have two weeks, baby."

Katar was playing with the knife.  "Hey it's got my name engraved on it…"

Shayera wrapped her arms around Katar's chest.  "Yeah, well, your name is already written all over me…"

*              *                *

_Present Day, JLA Watchtower_:

"Come on, there, Hawkie, ain't you got nothing better to do than _work_ all day?" Flash rolled over on his back on the table he was laying on, batting at random papers that Shayera was trying to file. She growled and slapped his hand away. "All you ever do these days. You need a vacation."

"Thanagarians don't take vacations," she snapped. She was beginning to get a slight headache. It wasn't much, but it was unusual for her to get headaches at all. The last time she had one was…_oh no_!

The speedster continued, "I mean, one of these days you're gonna wake up, smell the field mice, and find out that your life has fluttered away." He looked up. "Eh, Hawkie?"

*              *                *

Shayera sat on her bed, cradling her head in her hands and hoping the Tylenol she'd just popped would kick in soon. This couldn't be happening. She hadn't even been on Earth a year. Her eyes snapped open. "No," she thought, "not an Earth year. A Thanagarian year." She cursed, grabbed her street clothes, and ran to the transporter tubes.

*              *                *

The club was full of bodies and music, a pounding beat that was mirrored by the heartbeats of the crowd. Shayera scanned the group, looking for someone, _anyone, to relieve her stress upon. She spotted one. A large man slipping pills into a petite blonde's drink as she talked to the bartender. She turned and moved to take a sip. Shayera's arm shot up and a crossbow bolt shattered the glass. The man turned, knowing he'd been found out. The Thanagarian shed her overcoat and spread her wings. He ran out the door. She followed close behind him. In the alley behind the club, the man was cornered. Shayera took out her mace and charged it. Yes. He'd make a good stress ball. A very... good... handsome... Her wings folded back on their own as she glided to the ground in front of him. Forcefully, she grabbed him and shoved him into the brick retaining wall. In a second, his pants were gone._

_"Oh, crap!"_

She flew off, leaving a very confused man in the alley.

*              *                *

There was no denying it—Pleasure Week was in full swing with Shayera. But with no Thanagarian males around, she seemed to be out of luck. As it was, the lack of, well, pleasure, was causing horrible migraines and even more terrible yearnings for the heroine.  Heck, even the robins were looking kind of cute.  She hadn't gone back to the Watchtower in three days. She was considering finding a male prostitute and paying him in birdseed. She was desperate.

*beep beep*

"Uhn, Hol here," she answered the communicator as if she were still on Thanagar.

"Uhhhh, Hawkgirl?" The voice on the other end was confused.

"Superman! I, uh, ahem..."

"Where are you? No one's seen you since Wednesday, and we're worried."

"I'm trying to deal with something," she winced in pain as something very important contracted.

"You sound hurt. Come here, we'll have Batman treat you-"

"No!" She whined, "I'm fine, and no one will tell me what to do..."

"Come here now. That's an order. Superman out."

*beep*

_'Damnit.'_

*              *                *

"Hey Birdie, what's shakin'?" Flash grinning as Shayera stepped out of the transporter tube.

She sneered at him, "Obviously not much, or you'd be wearing a cup." She stomped over to the infirmary and slammed the door.

Batman pulled the stethoscope away and rubbed his chin, "Hmm."

"'Hmm'? There is no 'Hmm'!"

He frowned, "There's nothing physically wrong with you that I can tell. Everything seems normal, though you do have an oddly high level of something that would coincide with a human's estrogen..."

"It's mating season."

He turned and stared blankly at her.

She took off her helmet and looked him in the eye, "On Thanagar. It's mating season on Thanagar. I—I need to... You know..." She grinned, looking very much like a raptor from which she took her name, "Maybe... Maybe you can help me..."

His eyes got large.

The rest of the assembled JLA heard a scream from within the infirmary, but for the life of them, they thought it was _Batman_ who made that terrible noise...

*              *                *

"I think your mace is digging into my utility belt."

"No, _your_ mace is in my belt."

*              *                *

Superman strolled down the hallway in his usual manner, as straight as a soldier standing at attention, yet proudly wearing the air of any midwestern farm boy who'd just milked his first cow. He was so busy beaming in the light of the author's description that he didn't see Batman as he barreled into him from down the hall.

"Um…gotta go Clark."

"Where?"

"Um…back to the cave."

"Well, how's Hawkgirl?

Batman grinned.  "Well, after a _very_ thorough examination I have discovered one slight issue—you know, I think she'd rather tell you…"

*              *                *

"So this is what Johnny Cash meant when—"

"You're not here to talk, cowboy."

*              *                *

J'onn could sense something was wrong.  Batman and Superman had both left the Watchtower without any explanation.  It was up to the Martian to see what was wrong.

He found Hawkgirl in the kitchen.  She had pour chocolate syrup and whipped cream on top of some slabs of boneless chicken the Flash had left to thaw.  She then ate everything.  Raw.

"Hawkgirl!  What's wrong?  Why are you doing this?  It's so…alluring.  Hawkgirl, I am sensing female pheromones coming from you.  Interesting…"

Hawkgirl dropped her jaw.  "Oh no not you too…"

*              *                *

                "Preparing to land the shuttle…"

                "Keep this up and I'll go find Superman again."

*              *                *

"I'm so worried about Hawkgirl," said Diana to the Flash.

Wally shrugged.  He was too busy playing cards to care.  "Why?  She's always acting all tough and everything."

"It just seems like she's having trouble expressing herself."

"What?  You want me to go talk to her or something?"

*              *                *

"Well I hoped you enjoyed that as much as I did."

"It was okay…at least I figured out why you are called The Fastest Man Alive."

*              *                *

GL entered the Watchtower and found it empty.  "Now where's everybody gone?"

He found Hawkgirl in a nightgown going to her bedroom.  "John!  I…"

They kissed.  Hawkgirl instantly regretted it.  The entire male Justice League population was falling into this Pleasure Week stuff.  What crap, she thought bitterly.  She had wanted John to kiss her, but not like this, not when he didn't have a choice.

"John…I…let's go to the bedroom."

*              *                *

Shayera woke up.  Pleasure week was over.  John and the rest of the Justice League were going to realize they had been duped by Thanagarian chemistry.  They were going to kill her for this.

And John?  Well after this seduction there was no way he was ever going to respect her…

Suddenly she felt a hand on her back.  "Morning, darling."

"John!  You're still…here."

John laughed.  "And what did you expect?"

Hawkgirl couldn't believe it.  John did kiss her because of Pleasure Week—he actually was in love with her!  "Ah…nothing.  Nothing at all."

John got up to get dressed.  "Well all this time you've acted so tough I wasn't sure if we both felt the same way…but you seemed to have soften up a little bit."  He grinned.  "Well its only seven in the morning, I think we can have one more go at it."  He ran towards the bed.

WHOSH!  John slid off the silk sheets, crashed through the door, and skidded to a stop in front of the rest of the Justice League.  "Ouch…my ring…"


End file.
